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INTERVIEW WITH MR. DEPTULA, HEAD GROUNDSKEEPER OF TALL JACK PARK

NOVEMBER 5, 2001

JRDeptula: :'(

Auto response from IV Benoit: gettin some grub and gettin some studying

http://ehs2000.tripod.com

IV Benoit: what's wrong dad?

JRDeptula: Nothing - just used a new face when no-one's home.

IV Benoit: got ya, you make me worried, I mean the Yankees lost, what is there to cry about?

JRDeptula: Actually, after last night's World Series game, I'm not unhappy.

IV Benoit: So do you have time to do an interview about the field?

JRDeptula: Your mother woke me up to see the winning run - I gave up after the Yankee's went ahead (I mean, the haven't blown a WS save since 1947 - that's BS.

JRDeptula: sure

IV Benoit: I know, with Rivera in there I thought the game was over

JRDeptula: actually, let me finish laying the mortgage - i'll be right back

IV Benoit: ok, take your time

JRDeptula: laying = paying

JRDeptula: I'm back - stupid bank changed it's bill paying options, ID, password etc.

IV Benoit: That hurts, banks are the anti-christ

JRDeptula: no - just anti-customer. Interview me!

IV Benoit: Will do

IV Benoit: After three years of wiffleball, the field is pretty torn up. As head groundskeeper, what have you done to fix it up?

JRDeptula: Send most of the players off to college out of state.

IV Benoit: But what about the summer of 2002? They will all be home...

JRDeptula: In their absence, we have planted 1000 grass plugs, fertilized the holes, and covered them with special dirt.

JRDeptula: That is a tough one - the grass is supposed to be fine - in two years!

IV Benoit: So what is the outlook for the summer then? Find a new field?

JRDeptula: Besides, the assistant groundskeeper is still around - with a shotgun.

JRDeptula: Most likely - I recommend one with an all-dirt infield.

IV Benoit: How are we supposed to play barefoot then?

IV Benoit: Speaking of the assistant groundskeeper, what do you think her opinion would be about rearranging the field so the new grass isn't interfered with?

JRDeptula: That question is similar to rearranging what used to be my hairline - it's easier to talk about the bare spots then find any still with grass.

IV Benoit: That's a good point

JRDeptula: You could make a truce with the grubs - or get them to find another field.

IV Benoit: But if you grew a go-tee, you would be the man dad

JRDeptula: It would have to be on my back - that's about my best hair about now.

IV Benoit: That's gross...

IV Benoit: Anyway, does this mean we won't have to mow the lawn this summer?

JRDeptula: Think of this year as prime time for a players strike, when everyone has to play out of the country.

 

Not my choice where it grows (the hair or grass)

JRDeptula: Margaret got so bored on the mower this summer.

IV Benoit: She always cut the grass too high, she needs to lower that blade.

IV Benoit: We are considering playing the season out at Mr. Tautkus's house if he is willing

JRDeptula: I tried to get the turf from Shea stadium but Stamford outbid me.

IV Benoit: Does your company sell turf? We could eliminate half of the backyard and lay down some bermuda turf.

JRDeptula: That would be a prudent option. We are determined to see green by the time Karyn graduates.

JRDeptula: At least half has already been eliminated

JRDeptula: Astroturf might work

IV Benoit: The Pantusco's lawn looks nice...what's our problem? Too much activity?

JRDeptula: No - they don't fight the crabgrass. It's the only grass that grows in Woodside acres.

JRDeptula: Believe me, I wonder if our approach is right.

IV Benoit: How much do you think about 90 sq. feet of astroturf goes for?

JRDeptula: 2 yrs of college

IV Benoit: I would be willing to drop out of college to play wiffleball.

JRDeptula: Actually, let's cut down 2nd and 3rd base at Grandma's house and move the league over there.

IV Benoit: I was thinking about asking you that...she has a nice lawn too

JRDeptula: With this economy, you might break even.

JRDeptula: Maybe hope for a prolonged snow cover.

IV Benoit: What will that do? The league starts back up mid-May, the new webpage is under construction and everything.

JRDeptula: Sorry I can't be more optimistic. How about a new street hockey leage. The cul de sac is still there. (Need to finish paying bills before the Raiders come on.)

IV Benoit: OK, but hockey is not an option...wiffleball is life. That's ok though, we will work something out.

IV Benoit: Go Raiders, root for your Polish comrade, Janikowski

JRDeptula: I have faith, if not grass. We will faithfully water.

 

Enjoy the game.

IV Benoit: You too, 'night.

 

Tall Jack Park, November 2001

the batters box

the pitchers mound

left/center field (in the shadows)

view from left field

why can't our yard look like the neighbor's?

 

© 2001-2002 Chris Deptula, All Rights Reserved (well not really it's too expensive). This league is in no way affiliated with the The Wiffle Ball Inc. in Shelton, CT (CT pride, baby), although we are affiliated with those about to rock (we salute you) and someday our league will have its own judicial system so Drew can be fined for being late and Q can be suspended for being pissy.