"Thank you for choosing us over porn today." -CDep EWL 2002 Season
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EWL 2001 Season
E-Mail / Instant Message IM: ivbenoit
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INTERVIEW WITH MR. DEPTULA, HEAD GROUNDSKEEPER OF TALL JACK PARK NOVEMBER 5, 2001 JRDeptula: :'( Auto response from IV Benoit: gettin some grub and gettin some studying http://ehs2000.tripod.com IV Benoit: what's wrong dad? JRDeptula: Nothing - just used a new face when no-one's home. IV Benoit: got ya, you make me worried, I mean the Yankees lost, what is there to cry about? JRDeptula: Actually, after last night's World Series game, I'm not unhappy. IV Benoit: So do you have time to do an interview about the field? JRDeptula: Your mother woke me up to see the winning run - I gave up after the Yankee's went ahead (I mean, the haven't blown a WS save since 1947 - that's BS. JRDeptula: sure IV Benoit: I know, with Rivera in there I thought the game was over JRDeptula: actually, let me finish laying the mortgage - i'll be right back IV Benoit: ok, take your time JRDeptula: laying = paying JRDeptula: I'm back - stupid bank changed it's bill paying options, ID, password etc. IV Benoit: That hurts, banks are the anti-christ JRDeptula: no - just anti-customer. Interview me! IV Benoit: Will do IV Benoit: After three years of wiffleball, the field is pretty torn up. As head groundskeeper, what have you done to fix it up? JRDeptula: Send most of the players off to college out of state. IV Benoit: But what about the summer of 2002? They will all be home... JRDeptula: In their absence, we have planted 1000 grass plugs, fertilized the holes, and covered them with special dirt. JRDeptula: That is a tough one - the grass is supposed to be fine - in two years! IV Benoit: So what is the outlook for the summer then? Find a new field? JRDeptula: Besides, the assistant groundskeeper is still around - with a shotgun. JRDeptula: Most likely - I recommend one with an all-dirt infield. IV Benoit: How are we supposed to play barefoot then? IV Benoit: Speaking of the assistant groundskeeper, what do you think her opinion would be about rearranging the field so the new grass isn't interfered with? JRDeptula: That question is similar to rearranging what used to be my hairline - it's easier to talk about the bare spots then find any still with grass. IV Benoit: That's a good point JRDeptula: You could make a truce with the grubs - or get them to find another field. IV Benoit: But if you grew a go-tee, you would be the man dad JRDeptula: It would have to be on my back - that's about my best hair about now. IV Benoit: That's gross... IV Benoit: Anyway, does this mean we won't have to mow the lawn this summer? JRDeptula: Think of this year as prime time for a players strike, when everyone has to play out of the country.
Not my choice where it grows (the hair or grass) JRDeptula: Margaret got so bored on the mower this summer. IV Benoit: She always cut the grass too high, she needs to lower that blade. IV Benoit: We are considering playing the season out at Mr. Tautkus's house if he is willing JRDeptula: I tried to get the turf from Shea stadium but Stamford outbid me. IV Benoit: Does your company sell turf? We could eliminate half of the backyard and lay down some bermuda turf. JRDeptula: That would be a prudent option. We are determined to see green by the time Karyn graduates. JRDeptula: At least half has already been eliminated JRDeptula: Astroturf might work IV Benoit: The Pantusco's lawn looks nice...what's our problem? Too much activity? JRDeptula: No - they don't fight the crabgrass. It's the only grass that grows in Woodside acres. JRDeptula: Believe me, I wonder if our approach is right. IV Benoit: How much do you think about 90 sq. feet of astroturf goes for? JRDeptula: 2 yrs of college IV Benoit: I would be willing to drop out of college to play wiffleball. JRDeptula: Actually, let's cut down 2nd and 3rd base at Grandma's house and move the league over there. IV Benoit: I was thinking about asking you that...she has a nice lawn too JRDeptula: With this economy, you might break even. JRDeptula: Maybe hope for a prolonged snow cover. IV Benoit: What will that do? The league starts back up mid-May, the new webpage is under construction and everything. JRDeptula: Sorry I can't be more optimistic. How about a new street hockey leage. The cul de sac is still there. (Need to finish paying bills before the Raiders come on.) IV Benoit: OK, but hockey is not an option...wiffleball is life. That's ok though, we will work something out. IV Benoit: Go Raiders, root for your Polish comrade, Janikowski JRDeptula: I have faith, if not grass. We will faithfully water.
Enjoy the game. IV Benoit: You too, 'night.
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