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EWL 2002 Season
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EWL 2001 Season
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 WHO WAS AS SUCCESSFUL AS THIS YOUNG MAN? LOOK BELOW!  WIFFLEBALL'S MOST ITALIAN PLAYER AWARD:  PETE DEORIO SHADIEST PLAYER AWARD:  DAVE LEIGHTON "TOUGHEST" OUT AWARD: NOTE: This is awarded to the player who could beat the shit out of everyone else.  MR. TAUTKUS ALTOIDS AWARD: NOTE: This is awarded to the player who plays with Altoids in his pocket (defending champion Steve Pinto).  CHRIS NASH BEST ENTRANCE AWARD: NOTE: This is awarded to the player who makes the best entrance to a wiffleball game.  SETH FINNICUM (and his rickity moped) HAROLD BAINES AWARD: NOTE: This is awarded to the player who may be up there in age, but he still kicks ass.  BOBBY GUERIN BIG WHIFFER AWARD:  HENRY BERGQUIST LATEST PLAYER AWARD: NOTE: This is awarded to the player who shows up the latest to games, if he shows up at all.  ANDREW DUNN GREASE LIGHTINING AWARD: NOTE: This is awarded to the sweatiest player.  TRAVIS GALE BEST FEMALE PLAYER AWARD:  MICHELLE CURL PANTLESS AWARD: NOTE: This is awarded to the player who would be most likely to take his pants off and/or show other people his penis.  JEFF WASIELEWSKI BIGGEST CURSER AWARD:  TOM SCHALL BAD PUN AWARD: NOTE: This is awarded to the wittiest player.  ALAN BERGQUIST SHAFT AWARD: NOTE: This is awarded to the player who gets shafted the most.  DAVE KLUCZWSKI BEST WIFFLEBALL SPIRIT AWARD: NOTE: This is awarded to the player who has the most fun playing wiffleball and is the most fun to play wiffleball with. It's just a game. This player doesn't throw bats, get pissed at other players, shows up when he says he will, and is a guy you always want on your team.  CHRISTIAN SENGER CREAMY AWARD: NOTE: This is awarded to the league's most Caucasian player.  (Caucasian Invasion) DAN BEDARD MOST INACCURATE PITCHER AWARD:  JAMES GUERIN 2001 ELLINGTON WIFFLEBALL LEAGUE BEST FIELD:  TALL-JACK PARK VOTE RECIPIANTS: Tall-Jack Park (6), Scrotum Stadium (3), Guerin's Field (2), Tautkus' Field (2), Nash's Field (1). 2001 ELLINGTON WIFFLEBALL LEAGUE BEST MOMENT:  PETE DEORIO PITCHES A NO-HITTER AND LOSES VOTE RECIPIANTS: Pete's no-hitter (4), Christian's diving catch (3), All-Star Game (3), Prom day tournament (2), Dan stubbing his toe (1), Mr. Guerin homering (1). 2001 ELLINGTON WIFFLEBALL LEAGUE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR:  CHRIS SCHROTH HONORABLE MENTION: Jim Honda, Dave Kluczwski, Christian Senger 2001 ELLINGTON WIFFLEBALL LEAGUE GOLD GLOVE:  CHRIS DEPTULA VOTE RECIPIANTS: Chris Deptula (4), Andy Deptula (3), Chris Schroth (3), Mike Nash (2), Dan Bedard (2), Dave Kluczwski (1). 2001 ELLINGTON WIFFLEBALL LEAGUE CY YOUNG:  MIKE NASH VOTE RECIPIANTS: Mike Nash (4), Chris Schroth (3), James Guerin (2), Pete DeOrio (2), Chris Deptula (2), Andrew Dunn (1). 2001 ELLINGTON WIFFLEBALL LEAGUE MVP:  ANDY DEPTULA VOTE RECIPIANTS: Andy Deptula (7), Chris Deptula (6), Jim Honda (1), Andrew Dunn (1). |
The following are reflective conversations I had with some members of the Ellington Wiffleball League on Thursday, September 6. I asked some questions about the 2001 season, which we will all dearly miss. If you didn't happen to be online much that day, you missed out on getting some strange instant messages from me. IV Benoit: hey peta, if you got a minute i was wondering if we could talk some wiffleball Auto response from Peteman66691: like a drifter i was born to walk alone....GOIN down the only road i've ever known IV Benoit: ok you dirty italian Peteman66691: im back, what's up man IV Benoit: oh hey, sorry about that Peteman66691: your lucky, i just got back from a class Peteman66691: like literally just got back IV Benoit: "you're" Peteman66691: "fuck off" IV Benoit: take it up the (_)_) IV Benoit: aight so can you answer a couple questions about wiffleball? Peteman66691: no that's for your 60 percent male population and homosexual bentley Peteman66691: sure thing IV Benoit: good point...anyway IV Benoit: you made some interesting comments on the message board concerning the no-hitter you threw (but lost the game) IV Benoit: are your feelings any different now? Peteman66691: a little but i still feel as though i was screwed quite royally Peteman66691: 80 percent of the pitches i threw normally would have been swung at Peteman66691: and were off by inches from the "strike zone".... IV Benoit: no one screwed you, everyone had their pants on if i remember correctly Peteman66691: however they just decided to be bastards and sit there IV Benoit: why do you say "strike zone"? Peteman66691: that is correct IV Benoit: our strike zone is pretty clear cut IV Benoit: hits the chair it's a strike IV Benoit: not a "strike" Peteman66691: because the zone was altered after that game IV Benoit: no theoretical strikes in this league IV Benoit: we play by the rules IV Benoit: hits the chair, it's a strike IV Benoit: swing and a miss is a strike IV Benoit: in fact, a foul ball is a strike IV Benoit: however you can't get out by hitting foul balls for strikes Peteman66691: what is the point of these facts? Peteman66691: other than to stop me from reading the Heart of darkness Peteman66691: again IV Benoit: oh man that blows goats, you gotta read that shit again? Peteman66691: yessss Peteman66691: i have to read 45 pages by tomarrow IV Benoit: that hurts IV Benoit: well get back to work then Peteman66691: you know it Peteman66691: alright, is that all you needed to ask me? Peteman66691: you should make your webpage seasonal Peteman66691: have it be "hardcore basketball" in the winter Peteman66691: cause we can't play wiffleball then IV Benoit: that's a good idea, except we will all be in college Peteman66691: and during christmas break we'll be looking for something to do Peteman66691: yeah we wouldn't be able to do it for long IV Benoit: that's a good idea though, i'll look into it Peteman66691: alright, im off to read Peteman66691: talk to you later IV Benoit: later IV Benoit: thanks Peteman66691: np --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IV Benoit: hey nash, need you to answer some questions about wiffleball Auto response from MackieFloyd0815: I have to do homework? what is this all about? Homework in college? Well I am not "technically" home.....does that mean i still have to do it?.....makes you wonder...... MackieFloyd0815: shoot IV Benoit: ok so let's say you had to choose between playing a game of wiffleball and eating a Bowl Appetite...which would you choose? MackieFloyd0815: wiffleball IV Benoit: interesting, let's say you had to choose between hanging out with all your friends and watching the astros play baseball on tv? MackieFloyd0815: astors play baseball on tv IV Benoit: they are quite good...ok what about if you had to choose between listening to an entire chumbuwumba album or being struck out by seth three times in one game MackieFloyd0815: chumbuwumba MackieFloyd0815: i have pride man!!! IV Benoit: you wouldn't if seth struck you out that's for sure MackieFloyd0815: yeah thats right MackieFloyd0815: why are you asking these questions MackieFloyd0815: ok i have a question for you, what would you do with one million dollars IV Benoit: two chicks at the same time MackieFloyd0815: lol IV Benoit: what about you? what would you do with a million dollars? MackieFloyd0815: besides two chicks at once IV Benoit: yeah of course MackieFloyd0815: oh, i would not go to class ever IV Benoit: we talked about winning powerball in sociology today MackieFloyd0815: cool MackieFloyd0815: we talked about objects in computer programming IV Benoit: yeah but anyway i'm just having random conversations with everyone about wiffleball and i'm gonna put them up with the awards IV Benoit: i just had one with pete and it's hilarious MackieFloyd0815: oh cool, ask me an awesome question then IV Benoit: all right, explain your walk-off homerun celebration MackieFloyd0815: when i feel the ball hit the bat i look up...there it goes, a small white ball yet it travels so far....I wait anxiously in anticipation, it seems like it takes forever, but finally in less than a few seconds the ball lands over the orange construction fence MackieFloyd0815: I start to jog towards first IV Benoit: =-O MackieFloyd0815: I feeling of total jubilation comes over me, I start to round first and I pump my fist MackieFloyd0815: i continue to pump my fist as I round second MackieFloyd0815: as I approach third I start to invision imaginary people that are in my way IV Benoit: ;-) IV Benoit: :-* MackieFloyd0815: they feel my same emotion of happiness, but I start to become enraged that these fake people are blocking my path towards the plate MackieFloyd0815: the faces need to stop IV Benoit: sorry MackieFloyd0815: I throw the imaginary people out of the way.....I see a path and I take advantage MackieFloyd0815: a dead sprint towards home, where i embrace my teammates and we all celebrate a good kirk gibson style walk off home run IV Benoit: amazing...kirk gibson lives in imfamy MackieFloyd0815: yes he does MackieFloyd0815: he is a great man IV Benoit: and so are you MackieFloyd0815: thanks buddy MackieFloyd0815: well man, i am off to.....lift weights....i will see you later IV Benoit: aight, thanks man IV Benoit: later IV Benoit: 8-) MackieFloyd0815: PISS!!! IV Benoit: sorry Auto response from MackieFloyd0815: I am gonna go........lift weights...leave a message ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IV Benoit: hey henry RastaHenry: was up dude? IV Benoit: can i ask you a couple questions about this year's wiffleball season? RastaHenry: uhhhhh sure IV Benoit: what do you think about the introduction of the Negro League this year? RastaHenry: hmmmm RastaHenry: sounds pretty odd RastaHenry: what would be the purpose? IV Benoit: you don't understand, it's already been introduced RastaHenry: oh really? when? IV Benoit: this season RastaHenry: who's in it? IV Benoit: can't you read MIT boy? IV Benoit: oh, plenty of niggas RastaHenry: what does it do? RastaHenry: when does the season run? RastaHenry: I see RastaHenry: anyone I know in it? IV Benoit: your mom RastaHenry: is this really chris? IV Benoit: who else would want to talk to you about wiffleball? RastaHenry: anwer the question... IV Benoit: nah man, you got me, guess that's why you go to MIT IV Benoit: later ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IV Benoit: hey al bigtimeninny: hey there IV Benoit: let's say i wanted to ask you questions about wiffleball... bigtimeninny: okay... IV Benoit: you dominated in the prom day tourney, what could you have done in a full season? bigtimeninny: hard to say. so many have performed exceptionally in their ellington wiffleball league debuts bigtimeninny: but then sucked ass IV Benoit: good point (_)_)=======>> bigtimeninny: what the...? IV Benoit: what, what's the big deal bigtimeninny: umm IV Benoit: it's just a penis bigtimeninny: yeah, okay, that's fine with me. IV Benoit: ok just making sure ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IV Benoit: hey bro, can i ask you a couple questions about the 2001 wiffleball season? DeppyNU: yup IV Benoit: seriously? DeppyNU: yeah IV Benoit: ahhhhh vite IV Benoit: what pumps you up the most for a wiffleball at bat, a good song, a hot chick, the sound of the trees rustling... DeppyNU: do i have to pick one of those three? IV Benoit: no, whatever pumps you up the most for an at bat DeppyNU: oh IV Benoit: yeah dumbass DeppyNU: definitely a hot chick or a clutch situation IV Benoit: what if you were clutching the hot chick? DeppyNU: i wouldn't be playing wiffleball IV Benoit: that didn't answer the question IV Benoit: but in any case DeppyNU: no, if i had a hot chick in my clutch i wouldn't be worrying about wiffleball IV Benoit: ok cakeeater IV Benoit: what tennis player do you think would be the best at wiffleball and why? DeppyNU: anna kournikova 'cause everyone would be watching her instead of the ball IV Benoit: would you rather have her or me as a partner in the prom day wiffleball tournament? DeppyNU: um, you DeppyNU: 'cause we kick ass together IV Benoit: hell yeah brother IV Benoit: well it's been real, i gotta go DeppyNU: alright ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JAG1259M: dude sorry about before i got kickd off IV Benoit: that's aight man JAG1259M: what were you gonna ask JAG1259M: darn network IV Benoit: just some stuff about the wiffleball season JAG1259M: ask away JAG1259M: i voted for myself by the way by mistake IV Benoit: that's ok, almost everyone did IV Benoit: anyway JAG1259M: :-D IV Benoit: what did you think about the addition of walks to the league rules? JAG1259M: i like it it made the games more controled IV Benoit: which you certainly were not JAG1259M: i know IV Benoit: oh crap i just deleted all the changes i made on the wiffleball page JAG1259M: :-P IV Benoit: oh well, so anyway, you showed an explosion of power at the end of the season, what do you attribute it to? JAG1259M: hip rotation JAG1259M: :-D JAG1259M: lol JAG1259M: im not gonna say it IV Benoit: not gonna say what JAG1259M: its all in the wrists JAG1259M: it had nothing ot do with the bat IV Benoit: oh yeah the bat IV Benoit: i forgot about that JAG1259M: all wrist JAG1259M: ha ha IV Benoit: so it had nothing to do with a certiain Mass. Turnpike? JAG1259M: no not at all but that was a nice post game release IV Benoit: what exactly did you release? did it taste salty? JAG1259M: no JAG1259M: like never mind you know what i mean JAG1259M: cleever JAG1259M: ha ha IV Benoit: i got ya man IV Benoit: do you miss driving all over the mass. pike? JAG1259M: ya JAG1259M: i miss driving in general JAG1259M: i like the drive JAG1259M: on any road IV Benoit: i hear ya, just be patient IV Benoit: the traffic jam will soon clear JAG1259M: i know IV Benoit: you won't even have to pay a toll JAG1259M: you got the woman still? JAG1259M: ha ha i know JAG1259M: i got ya IV Benoit: yeah man, it's all good IV Benoit: we're going to the fireman's fair on saturday JAG1259M: nice IV Benoit: yeah ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IV Benoit: hey Q, need to talk to you about wiffleball Auto response from QConnPHI: gone for a work out, leave me a message QConnPHI: yeah man IV Benoit: hey it's about time QConnPHI: i was workin out with dan IV Benoit: that's gross, are you guys gay? QConnPHI: no usually people work out together QConnPHI: its actually a very normal thing you shoudl try it IV Benoit: is that what they call it nowadays? IV Benoit: anyways, i was just wondering how you felt you performed this season in wiffleball? QConnPHI: very streaky QConnPHI: are the results up? IV Benoit: of the awards? QConnPHI: yeah IV Benoit: not quite, i'm working on it, by tonight maybe QConnPHI: ogh ok QConnPHI: why did you wanna konw how i thought i played IV Benoit: because i wanted to know QConnPHI: oh yeah i was definetly streaky IV Benoit: what do you feel is the hardest thing about streaking? QConnPHI: having games wehre you get like 2 or 3 hits with soem rbi's and hten having a couple of games in a row where you can't even get a hit QConnPHI: going through the change of having a good night to a very very bad couple of games IV Benoit: i was talking about streaking, like taking your clothes off and running around naked streaking QConnPHI: damnit QConnPHI: damnit QConnPHI: damnit QConnPHI: you sick perv ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IV Benoit: brotha Scrot8522: brotha whats up? IV Benoit: nothin much, can i ask you some questions about the wiffleball season? Scrot8522: yes you can IV Benoit: aight, i was wondering why you feel you had so much more success at scrotum stadium than at tall jack park? Scrot8522: umm...i think i had more success at my park cuz the field wasn't flat all\around i was able to use my opposite field hitting ability to my advanatage... plus the massive collection of weeds in center field helped IV Benoit: uh huh (_)_) Scrot8522: haha IV Benoit: what will you miss most about wiffleball? Scrot8522: getting together with my boys and having a blast IV Benoit: if you saved up for like 4 days do you think you could blast a hole in the wall? Scrot8522: oh yeah without a doubt IV Benoit: that's what i like to hear Scrot8522: nice IV Benoit: aight man, that's all i got Scrot8522: sweet ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IV Benoit: hey drew i need to ask you some wiffle questions Auto response from PitchinGNRx: wake up every morning with Instant Carnation breakfast drink IV Benoit: drew are you there PitchinGNRx: yup, whats up IV Benoit: did you get my message PitchinGNRx: yup, ask away PitchinGNRx: dont have too much time tho IV Benoit: aight i'll make it quick PitchinGNRx: aaaahhhhvite IV Benoit: tell me the first thing that comes to mind when i say the following stuff IV Benoit: loss PitchinGNRx: too many for me IV Benoit: breast PitchinGNRx: suculent tender must be cherished IV Benoit: homerun PitchinGNRx: over the green monster IV Benoit: penis PitchinGNRx: what would we do without it IV Benoit: Q PitchinGNRx: hhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy (low hoarse monotonous voice) IV Benoit: lemquisha PitchinGNRx: uh a black female porn queen IV Benoit: curveball PitchinGNRx: never underestimate the power IV Benoit: power PitchinGNRx: nature's driving force IV Benoit: force PitchinGNRx: rape IV Benoit: that's disgousting PitchinGNRx: someone puking IV Benoit: no no, rape, that's disgousting PitchinGNRx: someone thinking that i misunderstood my comment PitchinGNRx: is that it? IV Benoit: you're the only person who played with me in these interviews IV Benoit: i commend you PitchinGNRx: haha it was fun, well do it again eehssummatime IV Benoit: yes, thank you dreeeeeeeeeewwwwwww ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IV Benoit: hey cristo Cristafaro: hey my bro how are you? IV Benoit: just fine thanks IV Benoit: i was wondering if could talk wiffleball with you for a minute? Cristafaro: of course IV Benoit: it's for the wiffleball site Cristafaro: ok IV Benoit: how does it feel to be pinch hit for by your dad? Cristafaro: well it isn't a thrill but at least I have better stats than him Cristafaro: didn't he pop out? IV Benoit: yes, very true, and you got a couple hits if i remember correctly Cristafaro: and wasn't my hit the one that ended the no-hitter? IV Benoit: with a little more practice, do you think you could be an ass-whoopin' wiffleball player? Cristafaro: I think with extensive training I could hold my own and be competitive IV Benoit: do you like the color of wiffleball bats? IV Benoit: or would you prefer a nice red, or perhaps hunter green? Cristafaro: I think each player should spray paint his own bat to express himself Cristafaro: maybe yellow with painted flames? IV Benoit: so you would agree with Joan Kron in her essage "The Semiotics of Home Decor"? IV Benoit: essay Cristafaro: I would have to say a sphincter says what IV Benoit: what? Cristafaro: A SPHINCTER SAYS WHAT IV Benoit: what? Cristafaro: "We will try as best as we can. . . . . TO CARRRRRRRRRRRRY ON! IV Benoit: come sail away with me mr. roboto IV Benoit: because it's a grand illusion Cristafaro: because deep inside we are all the same Cristafaro: I am not a hero without emothion i'm not what you see . . . I've come to help you with your problems so we can be free! IV Benoit: so if you see me acting strangly Cristafaro: don't be surprised IV Benoit: i don't know the rest dun dun dun Cristafaro: iam just a man who needed someone and somewhere to hide! IV Benoit: i'm just a man who, needed someone, and somewhere to hide, keep me alive...keep me alive IV Benoit: well i think we've had enough styx for one night Cristafaro: ive got a secret i ve been hiding under my skin,. . . . my heart is human my blood is boiling my brain IBM Cristafaro: oh sorry IV Benoit: haha it's all good Cristafaro: so is this interview going on the page? IV Benoit: yup, probably tomorrow Cristafaro: ok anything else? IV Benoit: nah, thanks for your time Cristafaro: if not i best go write a paper for mrs crackhead IV Benoit: who is that? Cristafaro: "a funny spanish story"! Cristafaro: heart Cristafaro: u called her that IV Benoit: that's what i thought, lol Cristafaro: so i am quoting you IV Benoit: are you in alli's class? Cristafaro: yup Cristafaro: i will leave you with this before i go IV Benoit: ok Cristafaro: I thought that they were angels. . . but much to my surprise. . . They climbed aboard their starships and headed for the skies!!!!!!!!! singing COME SAIL AWAY COME SAIL AWAY COME SAIL AWAY WITH ME!!!!! Cristafaro signed off at 10:10:24 PM. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- IV Benoit: yo mich SpOrTzFn24: hey IV Benoit: this may sound kinda weird but you got a minute to talk wiffleball? SpOrTzFn24: sure IV Benoit: cool SpOrTzFn24: who doesnt have time for wiffleball IV Benoit: that's what i like to hear SpOrTzFn24: so whats up IV Benoit: not much, i was just doing some reflections on the wiffleball season for the website SpOrTzFn24: ahh ic IV Benoit: so what was it like playing with all the guys? SpOrTzFn24: It was fun, i sucked but I dont think anyone really cared too much. it was good to be with all the guys. i wish i was there for the all star game IV Benoit: you know that we didn't really have an all-star game right? SpOrTzFn24: haha ya i was joking.. oh my gosh.. hahaha IV Benoit: yeah, i deserve a nut slap for that and for forgetting to put you into it SpOrTzFn24: ya you jerk IV Benoit: (_)_)======>> go ahead and slap it IV Benoit: i mean SpOrTzFn24: you can quote me saying that i was pissed i missed it because i had to go to... (hmm....) SpOrTzFn24: where would i be if i wasnt there IV Benoit: ummm, shopping? IV Benoit: to lift weights? SpOrTzFn24: was alli in it? I never finished reading it my internet is messed up SpOrTzFn24: i got like halfway through IV Benoit: alli calls and i have to leave to answer the call at the most important part of the game and can't bat SpOrTzFn24: oh right i read that SpOrTzFn24: well you can quote me that i was pissed i missed such a good game becuase me and alli had to go shopping (and we called you from shopping) IV Benoit: ok, sounds good |